I.D. Essay Book - Dance! Expertly parted from my money

A new essay translation from Maaya's essay book 'I.D.' for you to enjoy. Certainly I really enjoyed translating this one. When I read them straight up I get what's going on but when I don't understand one word I won't spare the time to look it up. By doing these translations you really get into the meatiness of the essay. a bit like going through Shakespeare line by line at school! Hope you enjoy it.

Note: Maaya says the woman is wearing a pink 'matsuri' which means festival, but I thought the alliteration of pink parade invoked the spirit of matsuri ^^V


Dance! Expertly parted from my money
I.D Essay Book

Today when I went shopping I happened to come face to face with a really depressing scene.

Even though I’d been scheduled to have my photo taken for a magazine, I’d accidentally forgotten my accessories when I left the house. This story is something that happened when I nipped out to a department store in a spare moment because, as I’d feared, the balance was off without some accessories.

I went into one shop and I caught sight of a display of various items, grabbed something and went off to the counter to pay. While the shop assistant was away from the till calculating my bill, I milled around, the change in my hand, ready to pay. As I was doing this, suddenly in front of me a mirror door opened to reveal an office lady-type coming out from a changing room. No sooner had she stepped out of the changing room than a shop assistant rolled up saying “Wow, that’s so cute on you!” Now, excuse me for saying this, but it was not cute. The woman was wearing a glossy, sleeveless pink dress and a see-through pink shawl. Put this together with the pink bag and the pink mules she was sporting and the girl having a pink parade.

Now, I am of the opinion regarding clothes than if the person truly likes what they are wearing then good for them, they can wear whatever they want. I have no idea what is in fashion and I think it’s pointless to wear designer clothes if they do not suit you. It is no fun if everyone is wearing the same clothes just because it’s the latest trend. I shouldn’t criticise without giving someone a chance, as there are many people in this world, and many different tastes in clothes; why did I feel such a strong sense of displeasure when I set eyes on this girl?

I think that more than what she was wearing, it was her complete demeanour that was the problem. Despite not looking especially young, her voice was so high-pitched that for an adult it was embarrassing; it was also extremely loud. What got me the most was the way she was standing: her feet were planted really far apart, and when she put the mules on she made a clip-clop noise when she walked. With that kind of form you will not look beautiful to an onlooker no matter what you wear. Add all this to the pink parade the woman had dressed herself in and the situation was hopeless.

“It won’t do if the ceremony is held in a cold hall, how about this jacket as well?” The jacket picked up was, of course, pink.

“Recently a lot of people are wearing black to weddings, you know. So if you pick a bright colour then…” The shop assistant was in full flow.

A man who was probably the pink woman’s boyfriend was hovering nearby, silently watching, and seemed like he wanted to say something. Well, of course you would. You wouldn’t be able to tolerate turning up to a party with someone who made such a bizarre impact on your arm. However, what he finally came up with was: “It really suits you”…is that what one would call kindness? “Really? Oh I don't know…what if I end up overshadowing the bride?” cried the woman in pink, her voice echoing around the shop…so that’s what it comes down to. The shop assistant’s perfectly insincere smile was in place.

When a shop assistant has said “That really suits you!” even I’ve gone, “Oh, you really think so?” when trying clothes on in a changing room, and start to feel the same way. But even when someone has said this to me, it’s almost 100% certain that it is nothing but shameless flattery, just like the situation with the pink woman. For the other party, this is business. There is no way that they always, always tell the truth to the customer.

Even when I bought some black trousers recently, I was politely declining with “Well, my butt is quite big so I think I’ll leave them…” when the shop assistant shot back with “It’s not big at all! You are wearing an extra small size there, so I don’t think you can say that at all.” And I bought the trousers: “Yes, you’re totally right!”

But I know my own butt more than someone who I’ve just met for the first time. Even though my butt has been big since the day I was born, why on earth did I believe someone I’d never met before when they said ‘no, it’s not’. The fact that it was an XS size pair of blank pants has no relation at all because the most important thing is the balance of the whole body. Did this mean I was manipulated just like the pink woman?

Was there someone, another customer, close by, looking from time to time, and thinking to themselves ‘Oh my god, that butt is huge’? Was the shop assistant quietly laughing to herself after I’d gone home: ‘alright, a stupid customer!’?

Since eventually my bill in this shop was paid and I left, I don’t know whether the pink woman bought everything she tried on or not. But I think I’m leaning more towards her buying everything.

You might be wondering what it is I’m getting at. What I’m saying is that in the end fashion is nothing more than an ornament, and if there’s nothing on the inside then it’s meaningless. I’m also saying that my butt is really big. And then there’s also the fact that part of a shop assistant’s job is to sometimes put on a wonderful act, employing the art of flattery. This would be impossible for someone like me who shows everything I’m thinking immediately on my face.

It is like the work of a Buddhist monk, swallowing down everything you want to say in one gulp. However, I am not deceived by these shop assistants. They are probably making these innocent faces to play their customers, then once the customer has gone home, using what happened as conversation material with their colleagues to laugh about. Both ’that’s the last one in stock’ and ‘that’s something new we got in today’ are suspicious.

I know these tactics, but I’m still taken in.