I.D Essay Book - I met 'Les Mis'... (part 1 of 6)

I've finally pulled out the 'I.D' essay book again. I apologise for the rather large gap. It seems like 'You Can't Catch Me' promotion has calmed down and while there's ongoing drama with the tour I figured that it's a good opportunity to get on with the essay book.

So! Here we are, the second long essay of the book: Maaya's experience working on Les Miserables. It's quite long, so again I've broken it down into the parts Maaya herself has split it into. I'm working on the second part so there shouldn't be *too* much of a gap between posts. At least, not between the first a second parts.

Note: grammatically the sections are all similar in that they use Verb-TE Shimatta which gives a sort of a negative overtone to the verb. As in, oh no I forgot my textbook vs. I forgot my textbook. OK? I decided to express this with '...' after the verbs in the section titles as I thought it gave a similar effect.

EDIT: Actually, if anyone has a tip for that particular translation issue then I'd very much welcome it!

Anyway, on to the main event!



I met 'Les Mis'... – Part 1 of 6

I passed...

Summer 2003. It was decided that I would stand on the Imperial Theatre stage for two months.

Les Miserables. Everyone has heard of this famous production. It has been translated into lots of languages in countries all over the world and this was the Japanese version of the hugely popular London musical, which has run for more than twenty years.

The character I was to play was Eponine, an important member of the cast and who sings that famous number: ‘On My Own’.

This was a big deal...I heard that a huge number of people auditioned for the part, and out of all those people just what exactly were they thinking when they chose me, who had no idea what she was doing? When the letter came to say that I had passed I was happy of course but immediately I turned pale, possessed by a sense of unease and nervousness.

Of course I’ve been to see Les Mis before. Not just once, I’ve taken myself to the theatre over and over again, each time thinking that ‘yes, I really do love this show!’ That’s exactly why I knew for sure that they had been thoughtless when choosing me, and I keenly understood how much hardship lay on the road ahead.

It’s strange for someone to say while they are auditioning for a part that if they got through it would be a problem for them. But I took the audition process fairly light-heartedly, fully expecting to fail; first stage, second stage, third stage...and each time I progressed I gradually began to lose my nerve.

Then, the final audition. They were to film us singing in front of a video camera then send it off to the staff in London. Just before it was my turn I blurted out “I give up here!” The burden is too much for me, just let me have the good memory of getting this far...

But wait, that’s a neat little excuse I’ve just given but the real reason was different.

I was simply scared. I was trying to run away because I didn’t want to get hurt.
I’ve always been like this, I've always wanted to run away at the last second. And oh, how well I run.

In the beginning, I wasn’t interested in passing at all, I was just testing myself when I had that first audition, I didn’t care if I made it through or not. I was just grateful for the opportunity to sing my beloved ‘On My Own’ and if, in that moment, I could give it all I had then that would be all that mattered. Despite all that, when the slight possibility of me getting to the next round appeared I would not acknowledge it, saying, “Oh, I’ve definitely failed.”

Why can I just admit honestly how much I want something? Even though I really wanted to get the part of Eponine, even though it was my dream to get it, I was trying to ignore it completely. I was merely afraid of my small pride being hurt. This is a once in a lifetime chance, is this really the time to be playing it cool?! Are you alright with running away like this without ever getting to touch the core?

This is why I changed my mind in the end and went through to the final round with the video recorder. I wasn’t at all confident that the performance I gave was the best I could do but if that was all I was capable of then there was nothing else I could do about it. I was satisfied that I had forced the coward inside me into action through self-awareness.

“Ah, I’m so happy that’s over.” Inside me this chapter was done and dusted. Which is why I was surprised when a few days later the results arrived. Huh? I wish I could have arrogantly just taken it as my due but I was thinking just what the hell was I going to do with this thing in my hand

I had no idea how to hold the treasure now in my grasp, there was no way for me to back out, I was wavering because I’d gone and done something I wasn’t able to do.

And with this, my ordeal began.

On to part two now