I.D Journal Entry 11.22.2007

Translation by Frecklegirl

The Last Fruit

I do nothing but search.

It’s probably not just me but everyone.
For reasons, for causes, for plans, for truth.
We’re always, always searching and wanting to know.

In seeking out that knowledge, it’s not easy, but rather tiresome, so we soon think that we want to forget all about it. And yet, I know that throughout our lives we can never escape that desire called “I want to know.”

Moreover, the truth is we don’t really think about being able to find it someday.
We plan to find it, but soon enough we lose sight. And this happens over and over. Somehow or other we resign ourselves to having that kind of unending game of chase throughout our lives.

We keep getting closer to answers while gathering hints that have been dropped here and here. And yet, it’s never just kind touches. Getting hurt a lot, breaking down, one by one we tire of it all. Because we get a little sulky, we chase after it again.

Despite all that, we want to know – “loving,” “living on,” what kinds of things are those after all?
Though we know that no matter how far we go we’re alone for eternity, what is it with these feelings of thinking we want to be with someone?
What’s the difference between a perpetually-constant eternity and a moment that continues to change?

Maybe it’s even that the answer is different from the shape of what I wished for, and is just trying to listen with an open ear.
When I murmur “Tell me” from the bottom of my heart, I feel like the world seems to simply nod its head without saying anything.

*maaya*

 jo