I.D Journal Entry 31.05.2005

Translation by Philosoranter (jpopmusic.com)

"Loop", are you doing it?

Since the new single Loop went on sale, I want to thank the many people who listened to it. I will be happy if it becomes a song you can enjoy for a long time. Thank you.

This is really a bit of a dark thing to say, but on the day Loop went on sale, my grandmother whom I loved very much pased away. From the time she collapsed to her death, I was the only one who could not go to see her. It was such a busy time for me, I couldn't make it all the way out to Saga-ken.

My grandma, whom I did love very, very much, was always one who supported me. She was bright, stout-hearted, cute person. To not have been able to see her at the end, it hurts my heart. It seems she passed quietly and painlessly, surrounded by her brother and sister, children and grandchildren. Having just come out at that time, Loop was playing on her pillow.

Late by several days, I was able to make time to get out to Saga-ken. After having spent so long away from it, it really was a nice town. Seeing my grandmother's bright, smiling face in a photo on the Buddhist altar, I got a very strange feeling. I'm still not used to the fact that she's no longer around.

However, staring at that photo, I did wish I'd spent more time with her, wished I'd loved her more, but at the same time I got a strange feeling somewhere in my heart, a kind of warmth, and I thought it was because I was being saved by the lyrics of Loop, which just chanced to go on sale that day.

Loop has entered my heart in an even deeper, bigger way now. Life and death always come as a set. Meeting and parting, too. This entire world is looping like that. And that's why I get the feeling I'll be able to meet her again. It's sad now, but I feel like she's next to me even now.

And it's certainly not like I was doing such a cold-hearted thing as just futzing about work in Tokyo on the day my grandmother died. For one, my grandmother was like my biggest fan, and also the type of person to keep on working until the end. She'd have taken it badly if I'd shirked work. That's why I thought to just do everything as I had planned.

Just holding someone's hand is not love. When you're not next to someone, when you can't touch someone, if you can feel that person's worries as you live, that's what connection really is. I understand that now. I think at the end, my voice singing that in grandma's ear, I think the message carried.

On the plane back home, I discovered my song on the plane's Japanese music channel. I returned home listening to Loop.

Grandma, did I meet you again-!

Xmaayax